Why Feminists Will Never Be Happy

Hello readers!

I wrote a guest post for Generation Cedar. Make sure to check it out!

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Feminism has failed. More and more people are starting to realize this fact, but the beast just won’t die! While all of society is worse off for the advance of Feminism, the sad irony is that those who lose out the most are the Feminist women themselves.
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I’m not talking about the first wave of Feminism which campaigned for suffrage and the end of abortion (though this wave was not without flaws). Yes, the first Feminists were staunchly pro-life because they understood how harmful abortion was for women (not to mention it is murder). It is the second and third waves of feminism which have failed us as a society, and failed women most of all.
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Vote for This Candidate or The Country Dies

One of the quickest ways I know to start feeling depressed about the state of current events is to watch the news. I think there actually might be something to the phrase, “Ignorance is bliss.” When it comes to politics, it can be easy to get caught up in the feeling that everything is going to fall apart if we don’t elect the right person. Well, the sad truth is it doesn’t matter who we elect.
Or is that the happy truth?
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In America, the elected government officials are a reflection of the society as a whole. If we have someone in office because they approve of big government, abortion, or they are just simply good-looking, then they are in office because those are the things that the voters of America care about. Getting someone else elected won’t change that, or at least not very much, and not for very long.
If the state of the country is going to change, it’s going to have to change person-by-person: bottom up, not top down.

Sure, politics is still important, and we need Christians voting for the right people…but what do you do when there is no right person to vote for? It seems that voting for the Christian today is a process of deciding which evil is lesser. That can be rather discouraging.
What I find encouraging is that, while important, politics isn’t the root of the problem. The sorry state of our country’s morality isn’t really the result of who got voted in, but who voted for them. Us. We; individual persons. If we are to change the country for good, we must begin at the foundational inter-personal level of everyday life. Impacting others for good, raising godly children, and teaching others the truth are the things that will start to make a difference for good. Treating the cause, not the symptoms.

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This Pastor Hates His Children

The Bible tells us in Proverbs 22:15 that, “Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.”
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What a harsh-sounding verse, and yet, it’s true. Children are not born perfect. We are all born sinful (Psalm 51:5, Romans 3:23). Children need to be taught, by their parents, and especially fathers (Ephesians 6:4) what is right and wrong. As we all know, children are very impressionable, and can easily be swayed one way or another by their parents’ teachings.
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Therefore, it is the responsibility of parents to raise godly children, and to teach them how to become like Christ. This is what is best for children. To do otherwise would be very unloving.
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Recently, I have seen several people post this article on Facebook about a pastor who would support a lifestyle of homosexuality for his Children. What is even more disturbing is that these are Christians who are supporting this man, calling his article “beautiful”. It is despicable, and this pastor hates his children.
True, this pastor does say some good things in his article. He says that he will love his children if they are gay,
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“I don’t mean some token, distant, tolerant love that stays at a safe arm’s length. It will be an extravagant, open-hearted, unapologetic, lavish, embarrassing-them-in-the-school cafeteria, kind of love.”

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Yes, parents should unconditionally love their children. No matter what their children do, parents should still love their children. This is the love that God has for us. But this isn’t limited to affection.
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The problem is this pastor thinks love means you have to support and agree with whatever decision a child makes. That is not love. Love is wanting and willing what is best for someone, and a homosexual lifestyle is very far from healthy.
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Is Social Media Making Us Arrogant?

Social media allows us to express ourselves like never before. We can share our opinions on Facebook and Twitter, post pictures of ourselves on Instagram, and create virtual boards full of things we like on Pinterest. Social media allows us to create a whole world devoted just to ourselves.
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It seems that this virtual world we create for ourselves often goes to our heads, or does it? I’ve been trying to figure out if it is really social media which is making us arrogant, or if social media only reveals our arrogance. Regardless, it’s quite obvious through social media that we think a lot of ourselves.
The most tangible evidence of our arrogance has to come in the form of the selfie, which actually was named the word of the year last year. We are taking a lot of pictures of ourselves.
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Allow me to tell you a story from Greek mythology you’ve probably heard. Narcissus was a hunter who was legendary for his beauty. In fact, he was apparently so good-looking that when he happened to gaze at his reflection in a pool of water, he couldn’t look away. Paralyzed by his own beauty, Narcissus died.My, my. How tragic.
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Perhaps the word Narcissus sounds familiar to you. This is because our word “narcissism” (a fixation with oneself) is derived from this Greek myth; however, it’s not a myth. This story is being lived out today, only instead of pools of water, we have pixels on a screen.
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It amazes me how some people seem to be obsessed with selfie-taking. They’ll change their profile picture every week it seems, and post extra pictures they took of themselves (nicely edited) on their Facebook page, or Instagram, or what have you. If you really think you are so good-looking that you feel you must take a picture to capture your beauty, okay, but then to post it all over social media? That just screams, “Hey everyone! Look how narcissistic I am!”
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The epitome of this is the bathroom mirror selfie. Really? The bathroom? What? Are you really so proud that you were able to have a bowel movement that you had to take a picture of yourself in your glory, and then post it on social media for everyone to know that you look good even when nature calls? Incredible.

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Do Guys Have To Be Modest Too?

A frequent objection I’ve heard raised when the topic of female immodesty arises is, “Well don’t guys need to be modest too?” This is a legitimate question; however, more often than not, this is only meant to be given as an argument for women to dress more immodestly, rather than a call for men to be more modest. In fact, we even have women participating in topless protests today. Men can take their shirts off? Women should be able to do so as well, right? Or so goes the reasoning of such protesters (if equality really is their true motive.)
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The argument that women should be able to be less modest because men are less modest strikes me as incredibly juvenile. It is children who often think, “Oh, my brother didn’t put his plate in the dishwasher, so I don’t have to put my plate in either.”
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I also find it insanely ironic that these Feminists are still letting men dictate what they do. Feminism is supposed to be about equality, and independence and empowerment for women…and yet it’s still, “Men do X. It’s considered improper for women to do X. That’s not fair. I want to be like men and do X too.”
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What others do should not dictate what we do, rather, we should do what is right and good for others.Young Keepers of The Home wrote a great article about this which I recommend you check out if you’re a girl.
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However, while it’s true that how guys dress should not dictate how girls dress, it is certainly true that the Bible calls for everyone, not just women, to be modest.
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Female immodesty gets more attention because it seems to be much more noticeable. Practically every girl and woman these days is dressing in revealing clothing, whereas guys typically wear adequate clothing which isn’t as revealing.  I think male immodesty generally takes a different form unrelated to clothing.
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As I’ve said in previous posts surrounding female modesty, the core of male modesty is the same. It comes down to humility, and humility is a matter of the heart.

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Why Is Everyone So Upset With Jameis Winston?

When I heard last year’s Heisman trophy winner, Jameis Winston, was suspended for a game last Saturday because he acted like a person his age normally acts, I laughed. Apparently what he said was offensive to women and not appropriate, but I’ve heard similar things spoken in high school hallways and on my own college campus. Of course, not everyone stands up on a table in the middle of their college campus to shout such things, but all the same, the words Jameis Winston spoke which led to his suspension are common, and come out of the mouth of just about every college student. What is more, all he did was repeat the words of what was apparently a popular internet meme.

The same words he spoke can be found in the songs of popular rappers and music artists, and they are celebrated. They are in films, and they are in our common speech. Most people thought what he said was funny, as the plethora of tweets about the event proved. Everyone laughed. Why then did he get suspended for acting the way the culture teaches us to act? Do people really not know what middle school, high school, and college-aged kids say?

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Jameis Winston got suspended for acting exactly the way he was supposed to act. The media has come out and claimed that what he said was offensive to women, okay, but why then does popular culture encourage this type of attitude toward women?
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As Doug Wilson says, “a large part of the entertainment industry is dedicated to honoring the dishonorable, praising the despicable, and glorifying the inglorious.” Jameis Winston’s crime is that he actually said, publically, what is only said behind closed doors, or allowed in media as “art”. Also, he happens to be famous, and because he is famous, we hold him to a higher standard for some reason.
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A lot of analysts now are debating whether or not Winston will be drafted in the first round of the NFL draft.  My question is, why would repeating a popular phrase rule him out? Because he lacks moral character? Yes, and the NFL is certainly a bastion of morality which promotes the dignity of women. Much more offensive things are said about women in football locker rooms, but you don’t hear about that. Actually, much more offensive things are said in high school and middle school lunch rooms, forget locker rooms. Why? Because this is the way popular culture, with its lyrics, dialogue, pictures, and videos has taught men to talk and think about women. College kids aren’t upset with what Winston said, they’re just upset that his scandal has turned their funny meme into a bad thing.
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Poor Jameis is being punished, not for what he said, but for where he said it. If he had just waited until after he was drafted, and did it in front of his teammates when the cameras weren’t on, he would simply be referred to as a funny guy, or maybe a good teammate.
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I don’t think we as a society have a right to be upset at someone when they act exactly the way we’ve told them to. We shouldn’t be surprised when someone acts exactly the way popular culture has told them to act. If you want to be mad at young Jameis who is just a kid after all, just 20 years old (can’t expect much of 20-year-olds, right?), then you should be mad at him for stealing $32 worth of crab legs, not for repeating a meme. Really, Jameis? Stealing crab legs? I haven’t heard one rap song about that (then again I don’t listen to rap music, so who knows. Crab legs are pretty good, and he is a poor starving college kid after all).

Actually, now that I think about it, Jameis didn’t steal, he only “shoplifted,” and according to Al Sharpton, there is a BIG difference between robbing and shoplifting. So let’s not be too harsh here on young Jameis.

Now, I am not defending Winston’s actions, but there is a disconnect here. If you were to tell regular college or high school students that they shouldn’t speak or behave in such a way (which I have) then you get laughed at or mocked. Yet, Jameis does it and suddenly it’s a bad thing. I think everyone should be held to the same standard.
When we talk so often about how we expect college kids to be immature, and that it’s normal and natural and fine…why do we get up set when one acts the way we expect him to act? Just because he’s good on the football field we suddenly expect more from him? Or is it that we really are okay with such behavior, so long as it only goes on at parties where there are no cameras. Perhaps we actually just feel betrayed that Winston did, in public and in broad daylight, what we wanted to keep in private and in the dark. Now that, I don’t think, is very fair.

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A Modest Mom
A Mama’s Story
Mom’s The Word
Golden Reflections
Time Warp Wife
Conerstone Confessions
A Wise Woman
Wholehearted Home
Raising Homemakers
My Daily Walk In His Grace
Joy Dare

“This is so messed up,” And Other Kind Words From An Anonymous Person

I received the following quote on my post, “How To Be Emotionally Pure In Courtship,

 “Hmmm. Maybe we should just have our pastor or parents pick out our “good match” spouses. That would make it a whole lot easier for everyone. *whew* besides we will just learn to love them later right? As long as they are a good match nothing else matters right? 🙂 Wow, this is so messed up I’m appalled, I’m very sad that people still think that this thinking is ok. The only girl I know that went through this “perfect” scenario, and married her “godly” husband is the most miserable girl I know. You can “learn to love” someone, but I think that God factored in attraction for a reason…. Or wait is attraction a product of the fall? I can’t remember anymore… im sure you have never experienced a real “courtship”/relationship. :/ this is exactly the thinking that pretty much ruined my poor brother and his wife’s life…. Thankfully though they persevered and are married and boy am I glad that the religious nut with this thinking wasn’t able to ruin their marriage.”

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I normally wouldn’t spend so much time replying to such an uncivil post, but I get quite a few, so I feel a need to explain how such comments make me feel so that my critics might change their tactics…though I rather doubt they will.
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What really frustrates me about comments such as the above, is that this person could be right. Perhaps they have a legitimate objection to something I wrote, or maybe I need to clarify something…but their comment is so unhelpful, I can’t be sure what she is even referring to. 
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“Wow, this is so messed up,” she says. What is messed up? That parents should pick our spouses for us? Okay, maybe, but I didn’t say that in my post. But even if I did say that, how is it messed up? She doesn’t give any reasoning, but instead just throws out an unsupported statement. Does she expect me to take her at her word? Does she want me to listen to her with a blind faith? Is she a deity? If she wants to help me see things the way she does, then I need some reasoning. But, maybe this isn’t what she is saying is messed up.
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Is it messed up that I argue being a good match should be the major determining factor when it comes to whether or not you should marry someone? Okay…how is that messed up? Surely she is not saying we should marry people we are not a good match with. Maybe she doesn’t understand what I mean by a “good match?” Maybe she thinks what I mean by “good match” consists of merely having the same beliefs or something? (which I don’t believe). It’s really hard to tell from such a comment.
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I believe this commenter, hiding behind the alias “Wynd”, doesn’t really want to help me. If she did want to help me, she would have followed the rules of civil debate. She lobs ad hominem attacks at me, inaccurately claims to have intimate knowledge of my personal life, says that I don’t have experience, and intentionally ignores large portions of my post.

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4 Good Ways To Disagree

“A basic rule of civil debate that should always guide not only Christians but all serious people: always describe your opponents’ view as they describe it, and if you are going to accuse them of leading to a conclusion they do not actually embrace, say they do not actually embrace it.  Attributing to adherents of a particular view certain beliefs they explicitly reject is unfair at best, and dishonest at worst.” – Rodger Olsen

People don’t know how to disagree anymore. In fact, society has come to believe that disagreeing with someone means you personally detest them. This is nonsense.
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A lot of the criticism I receive is from people attacking things I never said, or points I don’t believe. This phenomenon is not unique to me. It’s everywhere. Whenever someone expresses an opinion, antagonists immediate twist and warp what was said.
This is unfair, uncivil, and really very barbaric. What is more, it is very unhelpful. It doesn’t change anyone’s mind, and it simply spreads around false belief and slander.
There are plenty more civilized ways to disagree with someone. The quote above describes some foundational rules for civil debate:

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Don’t Teach Girls To Be Modest; That Sexualizes Them

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A couple years ago, I wrote a series defending the belief that women and girls should dress modestly.  I thought that modesty was good because it was considerate of others, allowed women to be treated with more respect, and accented femininity.
Don't teach modestyBut, according to opponents of humility in dress, modesty actually sexualizes girls.
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It’s always baffled me how some could make such arguments. Modesty is the exact opposite of objectifying!

On Facebook, some of my Christian, homeschooled, friends were sharing this article, (don’t waste your time reading it) which explains how modesty apparently sexualizes, specifically, through the banning of leggings and yoga pants in schools.

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There are several very poor arguments and assumptions made in this post which Christians should never buy into.
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Here are three of them.
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1. Your comfort is more important than the comfort of others:

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The article makes the point that the our own comfort is more important than the comfort of others. The article states that, “Girls clothing is not and should not be responsible for boys’ behavior.” This is a true statement, however, the article goes on to argue consideration of others should not be a factor in determining what to wear. I find it troubling that Christians are buying into this line of reasoning.

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Those who defend the wearing of yoga pants always claim that their reasons are solely based on comfort. While I highly doubt that’s the only reason for many woman, that is still not a good reason.

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We don’t have a right to do whatever we want if it harms other people. (1 Corinthians 8:13)
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I don’t like waiting in long lines. Those are very uncomfortable, but that doesn’t mean I have a right to cut to the front of the line. I would be satisfying my own comfort at the expense of others. This is wholly unloving, and a display of immodesty and arrogance. It’s pure narcissism to believe that your own comfort is more important than others.
This idea completely contradicts the teachings of the Bible.
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“Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience.” – Colossians 3:12

“Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.” – Matthew 23:12

“Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful woman without discretion.” – Proverbs 11:22

All of these verses, and more, point to the fact that we should not merely do what pleases us, or seek to draw attention to ourselves at the expense of others.

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2. The only alternative to immodesty is baggy pants:

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This idea is just ridiculous on several levels. I’ve heard many homeschooled Christians make this objection to modesty, and the article does as well: “Traditionally ‘cute’ clothing for young women is notoriously restrictive and often painful.” No, that’s false. Traditionally, ‘cute’ clothing was not restrictive. That is still not the case today. There are many modest alternatives to yoga pants that still look nice and aren’t excessively baggy. In fact, there are even many fashion blogs and websites today that deal with only modest clothing. Here is one example.

Second of all, this article is making the argument that looking “cute” is again, more important than other people. As the article says,

“Keep in mind that loose or baggy clothing for girls is neither “popular” nor “attractive” and even borderline socially unacceptable. Professional women: would you show up to the office in a baggy pantsuit? No? Then why would these girls show up to school in baggy jeans? Lycra and Spandex make for supremely comfortable pants…it’s not about looking “sexy.” It’s about comfort.”

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Professional women would not wear yoga pants to the office, or a job interview, and yet, apparently many are beginning to adopt the idea that yoga pants go with everything—including professional attire. Yoga pants are not classy or nice or cute—they are exercise clothing, like sweat pants. Yoga pants don’t look nice. In fact, the definition of “cute” is, “attractive in a pretty or endearing way.” Yoga pants are not pretty, or endearing, and they are only attractive to those who like to enjoy the view of your legs and rear-end. You would not say a person wearing yoga pants is “well-dressed.” It’s actually rather sloppy.
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The article also seems to be arguing that we should encourage the wearing of yoga pants because they are “popular” and “attractive”. “Keep in mind that loose or baggy clothing for girls is neither “popular” nor “attractive” and even borderline socially unacceptable.”

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I find it interesting that most liberals push for individuality, and following your heart, while here this article is arguing that the social pressure to conform is just fine, and should be adhered to. Don’t ask girls to dress modestly, because then they won’t fit in. How horrible! A lot of bad things have been popular in the past, and are popular right now. In some societies, eating people was very popular. If cannibalism came back into style today, should we go ahead and join in? We should never seek to do what is popular. Instead, we should seek to follow Christ and do what is good, right, and true. It is possible that something which is popular can be good, but we still should not participate merely because something is popular. While I don’t expect non-Christians to understand this concept, it’s shocking to see many Christians adopting these ideas too.

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Also, we should never dress for the purpose of attracting others, especially the opposite gender. That is purely manipulative and fits the definition of immodesty to a T, which is the trait of being vain or conceited. Rather than trying to draw attention to ourselves, we should seek to draw attention to Christ through modest behavior and dress. Dressing to attract, again, is an expression of narcissism, since we are trying to put all of the focus on ourselves.
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Please, don’t let your self be controlled by the whims of the culture. Just because everyone is doing it, doesn’t mean you should too. Don’t be a mindless drone.
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It’s so ironic that in our culture we preach that everyone should “be themselves” and “follow their heart,” but we also make sure that everyone conforms to their same “self” and that everyone’s heart follows the same thing—self-worship. Additionally, there is nothing attractive about yoga pants, unless you want to attract guys who are purely interested in you for your legs and rear-end, which brings me to my final point about this article.
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3. Showing off sexual parts of your body isn’t sexualizing:

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This part of the article made the least sense to me. It’s claiming that covering up the sexual parts of one’s body…is consequently sexualizing them…but revealing clothing is fine and innocent? What?
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The article claims that, “I think what we’re hearing online is girls expressing that the strange, inconsistent enforcement of the dress codes is sexualizing them against their will…Until [the idea that yoga pants should be banned] changes in schools, I highly doubt the more mature, serious variations of unwanted sexualization — street harassment, sexual assault, and victim-blaming — will ever fully disappear.”
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No, just the opposite is true. The idea that women should show-off the sexual parts of themselves is what has led to these more serious issues. Displaying one’s self as a sex object conflicts with the idea one is not actually a sex object. The article claims that, “Female bodies are not public art. They are not for your viewing pleasure,” and yet the article believes that women should be able to show off and draw attention to different parts of their bodies.
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That’s like putting up a billboard that says, “Don’t look at me,” or wearing a T-shirt with the words, “Don’t read this sentence.”Billboards are built to be seen, words are meant to be read, and tight clothing (or no clothing at all) draws attention to the body. That’s just a fact.
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Modesty doesn’t sexualize a person, it reveals their dignity. Modest dress draws attention to a person’s character—and who they are. Hopefully, such modestly dressed people are seeking to live for Christ, which means Christ will be revealed through their dress.
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On the flipside, wearing clothing that exposes or draws attention to parts of the body that are sexual, do sexualize a person. By definition, this is true. Only in a world so warped by the influence of Feminism do we get the idea that being modest sexualizes someone. Immodesty objectifies women, not the other way around.

The article would disagree, however, because the writer claims that, “Everybody wears leggings and everybody has butts. And there is nothing inherently sexual with either of those things.” That is just incredibly naive, and I don’t think I need to go into explaining why this is so.

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Are there cases where modesty can be taken too far and turned into legalism? Yes, of course. That can and does happen. Anything can become legalism. The Biblical command to love others can become legalism, but that doesn’t mean we should do away with love, but it seems we have no problem doing away with modesty at the first rumor it has led to legalism.
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Philippians 2:3-11:

Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men.

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This passage creates a stark contrast with those who despise modesty. The article I have been referencing seems to have no notion that we should count others as more significant than ourselves, or that we should look to the interests of others rather than our own. And yet, so many Christians have easily bought into the cultural idea that we are so much more important than everyone else that we should be able to do and dress how we want without a care about how it might harm or impact others. It’s our “right,” we say. We talk a lot about our “rights” in America, but you don’t hear people talking so much about our duties or responsibilities, such as our duty and responsibility not to harm others. Granted, if you are not a Christian, then it would not make sense to have duties (or rights for that matter) but as Christians, we have no excuse.

Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. – Philippians 2:3-4 

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Even though Jesus was God, He did not consider His comfort or interests as more important than others. He made Himself a servant. How much more should we seek to serve others?
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This is the core of modesty. It’s not about what you wear, it’s about the heart. Do you really care more about others than yourself? This article from the Huffington post (which is a great authority and Christians should definitely turn to it for wisdom [sarcasm]) clearly reveals that the anti-modest are champions of narcissism, not humility.

I Am A Sexist

My recent post describing the reasons why I don’t participate in ballroom dancing seems to have upset a lot of people. In fact, I was even called a legalist and a sexist. Someone needs to stop me because I don’t think it’s appropriate for me to hug or dance with girls outside my family. I’m dangerous. Yes, because I don’t feel like I have a right to touch and hold the bodies of girls and women, I must be a sexist.

Then I realized my scoffers are right. In today’s modern society, I am a sexist.

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Being a sexist used to mean you believed one gender was superior to the other. This is now called “hostile sexism”. It’s pretty obvious to everyone today (except radical Feminists) that both genders are equal in value. The Bible confirms this in Genesis 1:27,

God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.”

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Clearly, both men and women are created in the image of God. Both men and women reflect God’s character, so they are equal in value.

So I’m not a sexist, right? I believe men and women are equal in worth.

Wrong!
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Today, you are also a sexist if you believe men and women are different, or that men and women should treat each other differently than members of their own gender. Many refer to this kind of “sexism” as “Benevolent sexism.” If that sounds confusing , just think “Chivalry.” Chivalry is considered benevolent sexism today.“As it turns out, men and women are equally prone to holding benevolently sexist values (the idea that men should always open doors, or earn enough to support a woman, are two common examples).” – Prevention.com

In this case, I am guilty as charged. Why? Because biology and the Bible says so.

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