Have You Kissing Skillz?

I have recently been informed that what women are looking for in a potential husband is experience, especially in Have you kissing skillzthe realm of romance. I used to think that my future wife would appreciate my saving myself only for her, but I now realize that is ridiculous. Skill level is key, and you have to get a lot of experience (also known as “XP” in the gaming world) to “level up.”
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Additionally, if you don’t date a lot of people, it’s impossible to know who the right person for you is. Sure, someone might seem perfect at the time, but keep looking, just in case you find someone better. You can’t know what to look for in a future spouse if you don’t date around and gain some experience about what’s out there.
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These truths seem so obvious to me now that I can’t believe I used to believe otherwise. Since experience in romance is so important, I’ve realized I’m going to have to make some major changes  to the way I’ve been living since I am way behind. Here is what I plan to do, and why.

Mario knows well the sweet joy of leveling up.

 

 

1. Date As Many As I Can

 
I’m going to try to date as many different people as I can. This way, I can gain experience into what kind of person would be the best person for me, and I can also learn how to correctly treat lots of different kinds of women so I’ll be well prepared if/when I eventually get married. Plus, when I’m married, it would be frowned upon for me to pursue romantic relationships with other women, so I better date as many as I can now before it’s too late!
 

2. Date As Many As I Can, At The Same Time

In order to make up for lost time, I’ll date as many women as I can at the same time. Since experience is really what matters, and I’m not ready to get married right now, then dating is really just for practice anyway. We all know that practice makes perfect, therefore, it stands to reason that the more practice one gets, the better one will be at something. So I will try and date as many women at the same time as is possible.
I don’t think this is unreasonable. Many people I know date just for the fun of it and to gain experience, not to seriously pursue the potential of marriage. If this is the case, they why not date multiple people at the same time? Some people will pooh-pooh this, and yet they have no good reason for it. They plan on dating multiple people anyway, so they’re just holding on to old-outdated-traditions by going one at a time instead of dating multiple people at once.
That is such a waste, and very inefficient. Date several people at the same time! Your experience growth will go up exponentially!
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3. Do As Many Things That I Would Do While Married As I Can While Dating

Again, this goes back to experience. Since you have to have experience in romance to be good at it, and you have to “try out” romance before marriage to see if it will work, then why stop at kissing? Why not try everything out and see how it goes?
This isn’t just my idea, indeed, many are doing this today. More and more people are living together before getting married to make sure everything will “work.” Some of these people are wising-up and not even getting married at all. I mean, heck, if you’re already living together and doing everything else married people typically do…then why make that commitment? Why go through the hassle of a wedding and all of that, especially when you don’t know if maybe in 5 or 10 years one of you might fall out of love. It’s much simpler to just not get married at all and never have to worry about a messy divorce and paying lawyers.
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I think if I follow these steps pretty soon every woman on the face of the planet will want me because I’ll  have just so much experience!
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Now, some of you may be thinking this all sounds well and good, but what about all the women I would date who I end up breaking up with? Won’t I be breaking their hearts and harming them? The answer to this is of course not! They would all be benefiting as well since they would all be gaining lots of valuable experience that their future husbands will be very thankful for. Plus, they would be able to say they were fortunate enough to be able to date me, which is in and of itself a reward.

I mean, seriously. Who wants to kiss someone who has never kissed before?  This is why you really have to try out all of this romantic stuff first before getting married. If someone doesn’t know how to kiss you right, dump them immediately and run, run, RUN! You don’t want to have anything to do with such a person. There is no hope for them.

Love isn’t about doing what is best for someone else, obviously. Love is a feeling, it’s about what will make you the most happy. It doesn’t matter how many people you use or hurt along the way. Don’t let anyone or anything get between you and your happiness! If someone isn’t making you happy, get rid of them, and keep searching until you find someone who always makes you happy, even if you have to break-up a 100 times to find them!
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True, this never seems to work for anyone ever, and everyone just keeps searching and searching and never finds, but you’re different! This has never worked before, but it will work for you!
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Plus, what’s so bad about a broken heart anyway? Lots of people break up and get broken hearts and they all turn out okay. You may even become famous from it! (See Taylor Swift).

Some of you may be thinking that perhaps you can practice all of this romance stuff once you’re married, but that is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. Once you’re married, you can’t get better at anything, and especially not romance. Marriage kills romance. Everyone knows that! This is why you have to build up your kissing skillz and romantic repertoire as high as possible BEFORE marriage. Duh.
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This is definitely the best way to prepare for marriage. You’ll gain tons of experience, and be super desirable. Plus, you’ll have tried out so many different people prior to getting married that you’ll know exactly who is the best for you, and will be guaranteed to marry the “right” person. Again, many people are doing this and divorcing many times and are losing faith in marriage all-together…And true, many that don’t divorce but follow this model end up suffering through unhealthy marriages, but don’t worry about any of that. It will be different for you!
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So what are you waiting for? Get dating, and get that XP!


Practice doesn’t make perfect. Perfect practice makes perfect. What are you practicing for? 

22 Comments

  1. First off, this is hilarious! Your satire exposes how utterly ridiculous the whole dating process really is. Believe it or not, a relative has actually raised the whole “what if they don’t like how their spouse kisses?” concern. Because, after all, THAT is the most important aspect of marriage.

    Second, this is sad. This is the exact road I went down (dating; marriage; divorce; living together; remarriage…ugh). As a teen I honestly would not allow myself to think beyond my wedding day; after all, as you said “Marriage kills romance.” I thought that would be The. End.

    Third, we firmly believe there is a better, holy way. And this is WHY we encourage our children to save everything for the ONE they will marry.

    Thanks for putting this into words, Reagan.

  2. I know. I was recently told that my future wife would probably prefer some “skill level” as opposed to my waiting until marriage. Haha! Riiiight. I don’t think I want to marry a person who prefers that.

    Yes, it is very sad, and so many people don’t know any better because it’s just what is normal and expected. Very few even realize there is a better way.

    But you can say some good has come out of your negative experience. At least now you’re children won’t have to experience that because you’ve been able to teach them what you’ve learned. I’m very thankful for my parents’ instruction in this area.

    Thanks for the comment!

  3. As a single young woman who is also saving her (whole) self for marriage, I can tell you that my desire is to marry a man who has saved himself for his future wife and does not have all that “experience”. I believe that the modern dating scene is just practice for divorce.

  4. Thank you very much for taking the step in the right direction. I’ve been going back and forth on the whole issue, and since you decided to take it, I figured it’s got to be the right one.
    I look forward to making my name popular in the dating realm.

    Ha! Whatever. 😛
    It truly is astounding how people think that’s the normal way to go. Our culture is so tainted by following your heart and looking inside yourself for the answers. They are looking in the wrong direction! For one, we’re broken and messed up, and two, if our spirit and heart are confused, then looking deeper isn’t going to help anything except cause us to come to the conclusion by determining how we feel about it.

    I’ll continue remaining inexperienced until the day I’m married, thank you! 😉

  5. That’s wonderful! And I couldn’t agree more. I don’t really want someone with a lot of experience either, and dating definitely is practice for divorce.

    Stand Fast!

  6. I know. It took a lot for me to finally be convinced I was wrong about saving oneself. It takes a lot of humility to admit you are wrong. Thankfully, humility is one of my strong suits.

    I know! Dating is seen as normal and expected as breathing today. It’s just what you do. You don’t think about it. It’s normal. It’s healthy.

    That’s a lie, and you are exactly right, and that’s a big problem with dating–it’s too easy to get wrapped up in what we want for ourselves, rather than what is good for the other person. Even the best of people can get tricked into thinking this way because that’s the way dating works.

    Good for you! Stand Fast!

  7. Well I’m glad that you were finally able to come to the right conclusion. I know it’s served me well.

    Mmhm! And then you get 8 year olds asking why you don’t have a boyfriend, never have, and never will. And they give you this glazed look when you try to explain.

    Of course it’s healthy to have your heart broken, and other people’s hearts broken multiple times. Right. We are supposed to have broken hearts, but not that kind!

    Yes, exactly. The whole 50-50 thing is a lie too.
    Mmhm.

    Aye! And the same to you too!

  8. I know! When I say I’ve never had a girlfriend and never will, people immediately think I’m gay. Then I inform them I find that I find such a lifestyle morally reprehensible, and then I’m branded a homophobe. Lovely.

    Right, exactly! It’s supposed to be 100-100. And yet, because of how temporal dating relationships are, just giving 50 is a lot because of how much you expose yourself and open yourself up to hurt and rejection. People feel like they have to protect themselves in dating, and that carries over into marriage, and then you have these walls built up that shouldn’t be there. I think that’s why we get the expression, “Love like you’ve never been hurt before.” If you’ve been hurt, then you don’t want to experience that again, so you put up the walls. So dating ultimately limits people’s ability to love.

  9. That’s awkward. Wow. It’s incredible how people would think that of you. You don’t strike me as the type of guy that has the ‘feminine lisp’, or any of those typical characterstics of a gay guy. At least I hope you don’t. Haha!
    Well I guess you’re going to be accused of one or the other. Sorry, man.
    I can honestly say I’ve never been asked if I’m ‘backwards’ as one of my friends calls it. I just get weird looks and silly questions.
    It’s kind of fun being so different than the rest of the world. (Most of the time anyway) The reactions that people have….it can be comical. I’ve learned to just laugh it off.

    Yeah, that is so true. I’ve never thought of it that way!
    The right response would be to let those hurt experiences cause us to be more loving, but more often than not it works the other way around. It’s not easy to love freely when you’ve been hurt, unless you are steeped in Christ. And even then, it’s still hard.
    Yeah. It’s really sad.

  10. No, I don’t have a “feminine lisp.” Haha! I have encountered some guys like that here, though. It’s funny how the liberals try to destroy the stereotypes, and yet the only gay people I’ve met fit the stereotype perfectly.

    But the reason they thought that about me is because I’ve never had a girlfriend, and I said I didn’t plan on having one–so in their minds–there could only be one explanation for that…

    But yeah, it generally is pretty cool being different than everyone else and watching people struggle to figure out what you mean when you say you don’t date.

    Right, it really is sad.

  11. I’m laughing just thinking about it. Ha! Ha!
    I know, right? Trying to deny the truth…doesn’t work.

    Ahhhh! I see now. Yeah, that does make total sense when you look at it from their perspective. Which is sad when you think about it.

    Uh huh! Or why am I, a college age girl, not in college? I mean, I am just squandering my time away living at home and being a stay-at-home-daughter, right?
    No.

  12. Yes, I feel really bad for you, Haley. You must live in a very evil and oppressive patriarchal home. I can’t imagine how miserable it must be. You need to be liberated! Empowered! Go to college! Get in debt! Party wild!

    Oh! College! Yeah, that’s another one. My sister doesn’t/didn’t go to college either, and that question gets old. Girls definitely don’t need to go to college, and I would even say most guys don’t need to go to college either, and should avoid it if possible.

  13. You have no idea. It is horrible! I want to be free! I want to go to college and possibly ruin my life! And have debts too! That just sounds like such an amazing opportunity! ! But I am forced to stay home

    Good for her!
    Yes. Especially when the highly feministic dentist gets to be the one to harp on you while she has her hands in your mouth! *rolls eyes*

    But if you guys don’t go how will you support your family?! 😉

  14. Hey Reagan, I totally agree with your assessment of how many people choose treat their premarital relationships. Those mistakes have been responsible for a huge amount of damage in society.

    My question is what is it about dating that forces people to commit these sins? I am having difficulty understanding why a couple could just chose not to do any of that. I know my parents never did any of that stuff.

    Thoughts?

  15. Oh no! Not the dentist! They’re always asking the wrong questions…and they really shouldn’t be asking questions either since you can’t respond. They should tell stories instead. All dentists should double as bards.

    I believe it’s possible to support a family without going to college. Matt Walsh didn’t go to college. 😉 Plenty of people have been successful without going to college. Going to college is really my back-up plan. I’m hoping I don’t have to work for some random company, and if I have to, then hopefully not long-term. I want to run my own business/write for a living.

  16. Good question. It really depends on what your definition of dating is. This post was responding to those people who believe you have to have romance and be emotionally and physically intimate with someone before you marry them for the purpose of making sure they’re the “right” person for you. That’s a very selfish approach, especially if you would consider breaking up because the other person isn’t a very good kisser. That’s just very shallow and not what marriage is supposed to be built on.

    The problem I see with dating is that it encourages people to be emotionally and physically intimate when there is no commitment. The relationship could end at any time, and generally that’s because one or both get fed up with the other. Well you can’t just get fed up with someone during marriage and leave them. (Or at least you shouldn’t be able to, but half of all marriages go that way.)

    So when the relationship ends, it’s like a mini divorce, because you already gave that person part of your heart. It’s also unfortunate because then when these people finally do get married, they’ll have to tell their spouse that they are not the only “one.” They’ve had other “ones” in the past.

    So the kind of dating I am attacking is the kind that says you should do a lot of things with the person you’re dating that you wouldn’t with them were you already married. You wouldn’t be kissing other women when you’re married, right? So why would you be kissing other women when you’re not married? It’s extramarital romance either way. People try to place some practical explanation behind this (like you can’t know if you’re compatible if you can’t gauge how good they can kiss) but that’s ridiculous, and superficial. The real reason is that romance is fun, and people want to experience the “thrills and chills”. It’s not fun denying yourself, especially when you really admire the other person and are going through the process of trying to decide if you should marry or not. But true love is doing what is good for the other person. And heartbreak and lose of purity would not be good for the other person, so for their sake, you should deny yourself.

    I think this is the difference between courtship and dating. In dating, the mindset is typically, “Is this the person that’s best for me?” While in courtship, the focus is less selfish. The focus is would we make a good match? Am I the best person for them? Or is there someone that would be better for them? These are questions that often never enter the minds of those who date.

    That doesn’t mean dating can’t work, it can and has, and that’s good! People survive plane crashes too, though, and that doesn’t mean we should support the habit of crashing planes.

  17. This made me smile. Thanks for putting this up Reagan! We need to hear a little sarcasm every once in a while on this subject, and you wrote it with flying colors!

    I have experienced, second-hand, the detriments of modern dating in my extended family, and there is mess after mess of emotions, doubt, and unfaithfulness when it is practiced. Inevitably, we set ourselves up for failure if we don’t have a long term vision or purpose for a relationship. The road becomes long and very rocky.

    I really like how this post tied in with your other post on Experience! Great job on being consistent with your writing material! This makes it enjoyable to read as you get to be reminded of past topics. 🙂

    In Christ alone,

    Jessica,

    The eldest sister & singer

  18. Haha! They are learning that we aren’t normal. Thankfully, the lady who was a strong feminist left. But they are very, extremely interested in our family. They stopped asking me about the college question.

    My question was a joke, actually. Haha.
    I was just talking to one of my friends about college and stuff and she told me that most of the successful people didn’t go to college.
    That would be awesome! Very awesome.

  19. *standing up and applauding* Thank you, thank you, thank you. I can think of about 5 girls that I know that I want to send this to. I wonder sometimes if dating, back when it started, like 40s/50s, was supposed to be less emotional and more well-mannered. I feel like it has just become a joke–a messy, light-hearted, empty-headed joke.

    Very well written.

  20. Yeah, I’ve found that sometimes where logic fails, satire succeeds. Plus, satire is just fun. Haha!

    Right, I’ve definitely witnessed how bad dating can be up close, though second-hand. People like to defend it and say that there are “right ways” to date, but that’s like trying to bail out a ship with a gaping hole in it’s hull. The system is broken and doesn’t work. I’ve seen how it promotes selfish thinking, even when people are not aware, and they think it’s love when it’s really not.

    Glad I was consistent! And I’m glad you enjoyed it!

    Thanks for the comment!

    Stand Fast,

    Reagan

  21. You are very welcome! I haven’t studied the dating of that time period, so I couldn’t say. I do think men and women were probably generally more respectful of each other. Today is a completely different story, like you described.

    Thanks for commenting!

  22. Well, good! Both that she left and that they are actually interested in your family and aren’t just writing you off as weirdos.

    Oh, haha! Sorry I missed the joke. 😛 Right, a lot of more successful and inventive and innovative people didn’t go to college, or did something else outside the norm.

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