Courtship/Dating

!Adsense

Sponsors

Coastal Conservatory Lilla Rose Beautiful Life

Archives

You Changed Your Relationship Status; Let’s Throw A Party

You Changed Your Relationship Status; Let’s Throw A Party

We’ve all seen someone change their Facebook relationship status to “in a relationship” before. Typically, this change is accompanied by a cozy picture of the happy couple. (Aww!)We also have all seen the common reactions that go with it: – “Congratulations!” –  “I’m so happy for you!” –  “Aw, you guys look so cute!”  – This is so great, right? Two people committing to love each other no matter what and agreeing to spend the rest of their lives together. It’s so beautiful when two people get in a relationship! – Wait, what? In a relationship? Not married. Not engaged. In a relationship? What does that even mean? – What are we congratulating people on when they get “in a relationship”?  – I have lots of relationships. I’m in relationships with a lot of people and no one has ever congratulated me. Why not?  – Well, obviously, being “in a relationship” doesn’t mean any old relationship, it means a special (generally exclusive), romantic relationship. And apparently, being in such a relationship is enjoyable and better than being single; therefore, we congratulate people and tell them we’re happy for them when they enter such a relationship. –  But should we really be congratulating people when they enter an extramarital romance? – Why do we celebrate extramarital romances before marriage, but not after marriage? –  The only difference between these two kinds of extramarital romances is that in the one case you are married to someone else, whereas in the other case you are not…or are you? –  Most people get married at least once in their life. If you are... read more
5 Ways Dating Is Legalistic

5 Ways Dating Is Legalistic

If I were to say, “Courtship is legalistic,” would you be shocked by such a claim? Probably not. We’ve all heard people say that courtship, and/or courtship advocates, are legalistic. To some extent, this is true. While I haven’t met any legalistic courtship believers, I have heard plenty of stories about them. Additionally, anything can become a form of legalism. Any belief, any idea, any thing can become an idol or source of legalism. However, there is a “system” which is far more legalistic, in general, than courtship: recreational dating. Yes, recreational dating is legalistic. Now, perhaps, you may be shocked. You don’t hear people claim dating is legalistic very often, if at all. Before I go into just how dating has become a form of legalism, first we need to define terms. What is legalism after all? There seem to be three forms of legalism today: Good works and/or obeying the Law must be done to attain salvation Good works and/or obeying the Law must be done tomaintain salvation Looking down on other Christians who do not hold to an individual’s standard of holiness. This third form of legalism is the sort of legalism most commonly thrown around today. I have never heard of anyone claiming that you must court in order to achieve or maintain salvation, but if they exist, that is pretty peculiar. However, we do have courtship/betrothal advocates being labelled legalistic because it is believed many of them look down on Christians who do not court. As I said above, this is possible. Courtship and/or betrothal can become idols. They can become legalistic. That being... read more
Your Soul Mate Doesn’t Exist

Your Soul Mate Doesn’t Exist

I have bad news for you: your soul-mate doesn’t exist. – There isn’t one person “out there” ideally suited to perfectly fit or complete you in every way. None. However, there are likely several different people whom you would be compatible with in marriage. –  This truth is made more obvious when you contemplate the horrible mess we would have if simply ONE person married the wrong “one”.  That would mean each of these two people’s real “ones” will end up marrying the wrong “ones” as well. Therefore, one person marrying the wrong “one” will lead to a devastating domino effect of broken dreams and spoiled potential. – So either we are doomed to marry the wrong “one,” or else there are multiple people out there who could be potential marriage partners.   – Isn’t this the most romantic thing you’ve ever heard?  – Somehow our culture has adopted this soulmate fantasy as truth. We might as well believe that echos are the result of a punished mountain nymph, since both stories have the same origin: Greek Mythology. – The Ancient Greeks theorized that humans were actually once androgynous, and were one being comprised of both male and female features. However, because of humanity’s pride, and in an effort to double the number of humans who would give tribute to the gods, Zeus split the humans in half. Each human would forever long for his/her literal other half; the other half of his/her soul–their soulmate.  – Still believe in soulmates?  – Another problem with the idea that there is someone out there who will perfectly fit your needs and make you happy, is... read more
Even Arranged Marriage Is Better Than Dating

Even Arranged Marriage Is Better Than Dating

Jack LaValley, a relationship coach featured in the publicity blitz, said, ” You don’t have to do it exactly like I did, but I have things to show you about how I made a successful marriage, and I wasn’t even in love with my wife when I married her.”1 – Some people are probably baffled that I’m actually going to make an argument for arranged marriage. But thanks to my friendly commenter, Wynd, who gave me the idea, I am doing just that.  – Courtship can be difficult and complicated. There are a lot of boundaries you have to follow, and it can sometimes be risky (though certainly far less risky than dating). I’ve joked to my parents a couple times that it would be so much easier if they just picked a wife for me. Although that is not what I really want, it would be a lot simpler and easier.  – I’m not going to argue that you should adopt the practice of arranged marriage, but I think there is a lot we can learn from those who do practice arranged marriage. Who knows, maybe when I’m done writing this, I’ll have convinced myself that arranged marriage is better than courtship. All I know for certain is that even arranged marriage is better than dating.  – “Really? You’re going to say that an arranged marriage is better than dating? A business deal is better than true love?”   – Yes, arranged marriage is better than dating when it comes to finding the right spouse, and it’s not even close. However, done correctly, arranged marriage is far from... read more
How To Stay Emotionally Pure In Courtship

How To Stay Emotionally Pure In Courtship

Okay, so you’ve been pure and now you are courting. What role does spiritual purity play in courtship? Most would agree you should still be physically pure, but should you still strive to be spiritually pure? I say, yes! This is because there is still a chance a courtship will not end in marriage, and should that happen, you still want to be free of baggage. – Whether or not you seek emotional intimacy in courtship, of course, depends heavily on your definition of courtship. When I refer to courtship, I am talking about a time to evaluate whether or not two people would make a good match for marriage; however, there shouldn’t be any pressure or expectation that the courtship MUST end in marriage. Even in a courtship, you should seek to remain faithful to your future spouse. Courtship is discovering whether or not you have found your future spouse. Maybe you have found them, maybe you haven’t. Since there is a chance you haven’t, you can’t jump all in yet.  Your heart shouldn’t be set on the presumption that you will marry this person, because the courtship could be stopped prior to marriage. You must still seek to be spiritually pure for your future spouse. If a courtship does not end in marriage, but those courting have both acted with purity, then the courtship is still a success.  – That being said, it’s ideal to only have to court one person, so you still only want to court someone you strongly believe you should marry. But, you could still be wrong, so don’t think just because you... read more
3 Ways To Get The Right Kind Of Man To Like You

3 Ways To Get The Right Kind Of Man To Like You

Blog posts and Youtube videos with titles like this one this article has, have always annoyed me. The perspective is completely backward, the focus is very selfish, and they encourage the wrong kind of mindset. It’s always about manipulation. What kinds of knobs can you turn, and what levers can you pull to get the result you want. On top of that, the tips and tricks advised would only work on reeling in the kind of guys you definitely don’t want to be marrying. And it’s all fake. It’s doing what you have to do in the short term to get out of that person what you want. In an attempt to sate my own annoyance and to hopefully provide a better approach, I decided to write my own version. Here you are, ladies. Three simple ways to get the right kind of man to like you. Read the rest of this article on A Lovely Calling... read more
Have You Kissing Skillz?

Have You Kissing Skillz?

I have recently been informed that what women are looking for in a potential husband is experience, especially in the realm of romance. I used to think that my future wife would appreciate my saving myself only for her, but I now realize that is ridiculous. Skill level is key, and you have to get a lot of experience (also known as “XP” in the gaming world) to “level up.” –  Additionally, if you don’t date a lot of people, it’s impossible to know who the right person for you is. Sure, someone might seem perfect at the time, but keep looking, just in case you find someone better. You can’t know what to look for in a future spouse if you don’t date around and gain some experience about what’s out there. –  These truths seem so obvious to me now that I can’t believe I used to believe otherwise. Since experience in romance is so important, I’ve realized I’m going to have to make some major changes  to the way I’ve been living since I am way behind. Here is what I plan to do, and why. Mario knows well the sweet joy of leveling up.     1. Date As Many As I Can   I’m going to try to date as many different people as I can. This way, I can gain experience into what kind of person would be the best person for me, and I can also learn how to correctly treat lots of different kinds of women so I’ll be well prepared if/when I eventually get married. Plus, when I’m married, it... read more

A Man With Experience Is Never At The Mercy Of A Man With An Argument…Or Is He?

The most frequent criticism I receive on my blog is that I haven’t personally experienced some of the things I talk about or make arguments for. I have not dated, so I can’t know that it’s bad. I have not courted, so I cannot argue that it is better than dating. Sure, I quote people who DO have experience, but it doesn’t matter because I personally have not experienced it. One such critic told me that, “A man with experience never has to answer to a man with a theory,” which seems to be a rephrasing of the common expression, “A man with an experience is never at the mercy of an argument.” I prefer the second iteration of this expression, since the first is self-contradictory, and blindly dogmatic. It’s self-contradictory because the expression itself is a theory, and to say you believe this theory is true because you have experience that it’s true, is circular reasoning. Also, there is quite a difference between “never has to answer to” and “is never at the mercy of.” There is some sense in which this saying is very true. A person who has experience building databases on a computer is likely going to be more knowledgeable than someone who has never built a database. This quotation is very applicable in specific instances. Indeed, experience is extremely valuable. However, there are several very real problems with relying too heavily on one’s experiences, or using the fact that I have not dated/courted to disqualify me from writing about my beliefs. 1. Experiences are unreliable A theory, by definition, is a group of ideas... read more

Her Hand In Marriage – A Book Review

This was a fantastic book! Therefore, prepare ye self for a long review/summary!I’ve heard a lot of people talk about “Biblical courtship” but they have often failed to really give any Biblical support other than the basic Biblical principles of love and serving others, which obviously go contrary to the modern dating model with is typically about self-gratification and manipulation–even if it’s subconscious. “Her Hand In Marriage” is great from the start, opening with a fantastic introduction which I can easily relate to. Wilson lays down some ground rules about how he is going to approach the topic, and makes some great points.  1. He points out how there are success stories hidden among all of the bad of modern recreational dating. As Wilson says, “Nothing said in the following pages should be taken as directed against godly Christians who came together within the dating system.” Sometimes people can take offense when you say you think courtship is more Biblical than dating, and they think you are saying they automatically were sinning by dating. Criticism of dating is not meant to criticize individuals, but the system as a whole. “People survive plane crashes too, some of them without a scratch, and we should all be happy about it. But this acknowledgement does not disqualify us from opposing the general habit of crashing airplanes.” – pg.10 2. Wilson also points out how “generalizations are legitimate if they honestly describe an overall pattern. Generalizations are consequently NOT refuted through particular and individual counter examples.” So many people think that just because “I did it, and I turned out fine” that everything is just peachy.... read more
I Kissed Courtship Goodbye

I Kissed Courtship Goodbye

The title of this blog post may come as a surprise to many of you, considering I wrote a five-part series on why I believe in courtship over dating. Well, I’m here to tell you that I was wrong. I have tried dating, and it’s awesome!!! –  Actually no, that’s not what happened. Everything I said in my courtship series still holds true.  – Huh?  – Let me explain. During my series on courtship and dating, I mentioned that I believed even betrothal was better than dating. “I also want to be clear that I don’t think courtship is necessarily for everyone, but I think it should be the go-to method, rather than dating. There are certainly other tried and true methods for finding a spouse. Betrothal is one example. Before you start choking on your scoffing, betrothal has worked for centuries and still works today. In ideal circumstances, I think betrothal is actually much better than dating. I could say more, but that would be beyond the scope of this article.” – Dating Part 3: Courtship – What is it? – I was planning on writing this blog post to explain why I think even betrothal is better than dating (but not as good as courtship), but this post did not go as planned. –  I did a little research on betrothal to get a better understanding, and during my search, I came upon an interesting article. According to the definitions presented in this article, I probably actually believe in something closer to betrothal than courtship after all. –  Below is a description of courtship presented in the... read more