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Marriage Is Not For Our Happiness, Or Is It?

Marriage Is Not For Our Happiness, Or Is It?

One of the greatest problems today plaguing marriage is the idea that one gets married to boost their own happiness. It’s this faulty understanding that has led to the rise of divorce, and even homosexual marriage which champions the idea that, “If it feels good, do it.” However, the purpose of marriage isn’t to make us happy.  If you asked a random person on the street (or social media) what the purpose of marriage is, they would say self-pleasure. Perhaps they wouldn’t say this in so many words, but in their actions and ways of speaking about romance and relationships, this definition becomes clear.  But no where does the Bible describe pleasure or happiness as being the end purpose of marriage. God created marriage, and described it’s purposes in the Bible, so if it’s not in the Bible, then it’s not one of the purposes of marriage.  So what are the purposes of marriage? While there are many, I think they can all be summed up in the following 3 categories 1. First and foremost, marriage is supposed to reflect the relationship of Christ and the Church (Ephesians 5:23-25) 2. Companionship (Genesis 2:24, 1 Corinthians 7:2-3) 3. Raising godly children (Genesis 1:28) Happiness, or pleasure, is not one of the purposes, and yet (and perhaps this is just me since I study marriage as a hobby) it seems like the “marriage isn’t for our happiness” idea has been beat to death, and I’m kind of tired of it. Is it just me, or have you heard this message too much too? If you perhaps haven’t heard the idea that marriage doesn’t equal... read more
Marriage Can Only Ever Be, One Man, One Woman, For Life

Marriage Can Only Ever Be, One Man, One Woman, For Life

Let us forget for a moment all the evidence that children are better off when raised by a mom and a dad. Let’s throw out for now the reality that redefining marriage actually abolishes marriage. Let’s pretend the Bible doesn’t actually clearly state that homosexuality as a sin (1 Corinthians 6:9-10). Let us ignore all of these defenses for traditional marriage. With all the common arguments removed, can we as Christians still say that marriage can only ever be one man, one woman, for life? Yes we can.  – The reason we can is because of what the actual purpose of marriage is. Our problem is we have forgotten what marriage is actually about.  – More than 40 years ago when no-fault divorce became acceptable, the definition of marriage changed in America. Today, we believe that marriage is just about the happiness of two adults. Therefore, most of the appeals for homosexual marriage stem from emotion. “How could you prevent two people who love each other from being together?” Two people can “love” each other all they want, but that doesn’t make a marriage.  – Unfortunately, when we as Christians promote the idea that marriage is just for our happiness, we are unintentionally lending false credence to the Homosexual position. Suddenly, the argument becomes about allowing happiness for some, and denying happiness for others. That hardly seems fair or very “Christian”.  – The purpose of marriage is to reflect the relationship of Christ and the church, and this is a relationship that can only be reflected by a man and a woman, not two men or two women, or more than two people.... read more
Is Your Relationship Just a Business Contract?

Is Your Relationship Just a Business Contract?

No one marries for love anymore today. Alas, the vast majority of relationships today are mere business contracts. Huh? Uh…Reagan, I think you need to check your calendar. This is 2016! Love has been liberated in the Western world. Marrying for love is the only reason people marry. People marry for any other reason unless they are part of a cult, and abusively forced to against their will. When you think of a relationship leading toward marriage that is “just a business contract,” what comes to mind? Well, probably something like what was mentioned above. Either an uber-conservative cult, or maybe the archaic systems of arranged marriage, betrothal, and courtship from days gone by. We recall from history when marriages often very much were just business contracts. Kings would have their children marry in order to form a political alliance between their two kingdoms. Other families married for status, or land, or wealth. It has become so cliche to watch movies today that take place in the medieval era that feature a romance plot where one person or another is being forced to marry someone against their will. What a tragedy! “But I don’t love him!” we will hear a character say. “I don’t want money! I want to marry the man I love!” Touching. I wonder, though, just how historically accurate are these plots? If arranged and forced marriages were so common, and marrying “for love” so alien, then probably most people saw being forced to marry someone they did not “love” as normal, and expected, just as today we expect everyone to go to college after they... read more
How Do I Know If I Am Ready for Marriage?

How Do I Know If I Am Ready for Marriage?

The last post in this series explored what the goal is for marriage (a husband specifically, since I am a man). My last article detailed what it is I should be aspiring to be as a future husband.  – This post is for exploring how I know when I’ve “made it” so to speak. The only problem is I’m never going to “make it” this side of eternity. As the common expression goes, “you’ll never be ready for marriage.” Well…if I’ll never be ready, then how do I know if/when I should get married? –  I have never really liked the expression, “No one is ever ready to marry.” Even if this is true…it’s not a very helpful statement. This statement seems to imply that because no one is ever ready to marry…anyone who is anyone can get married at any time (provided it is legal of course). This extreme doesn’t seem right either. –  Thinking more, however, I came to the realization that it really is true that none of us can ever be fully ready for marriage, but I think I can explain why in a more helpful and Biblical way. The reason why no one is ever ready for marriage is because marriage was created for perfect people. It was created before the fall, and therefore, the intent and purpose of marriage can only be perfectly fulfilled by perfect people. We can only perfectly reflect the image of Christ and the Church if we are perfect, because Christ is perfect, and He will make us perfect when He returns for us His bride. Marriage requires perfection,... read more
Husbands Should Submit To Their Wives

Husbands Should Submit To Their Wives

I wrote a blog post awhile back entitled, “Submission: The Biblical Call For Wives To Make Sandwiches for Their Husbands”. While such a title is tongue-in-cheek, there is actually some real practical truth to this title. As we are informed in Ephesians 5:22-24:  “Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.” This passage fits so nicely with this blog series because it is full of military language. The word that is translated to “subject” or “submit” in other translations is the Greek military term “upotassw” (hoop-ot-as’-so). Upotassw means to subordinate; reflexively, to obey: be under obedience (obedient), put under, subdue unto, (be, make) subject (to, unto), be (put) in subjection (to, under), submit self unto. When used in a military context, upotassw means “to arrange [troop divisions] in a military fashion under the command of a leader”. In non-military use, it was “a voluntary attitude of giving in, cooperating, assuming responsibility, and carrying a burden.” So what does all this mean practically? Well, it means that a wife should “submit” to her husband as though he were her commanding officer. She should follow his leading. Therefore, if we really believe what the Bible is saying here, and Paul is saying wives should be subject to their husbands this way in everything…then yes, if her husband tells her to make a... read more
Mission Marriage (New Series)

Mission Marriage (New Series)

I’m back! I am finally writing new content for my blog. I actually have been writing new blog posts for several months now, but am just now beginning to release them. For some of you this might be good news, for others, bad news. You are welcome and I’m sorry to those whom it may concern. I’ve written quite a bit about how we as unmarried folk who believe God is calling us to one day marry should be preparing for marriage now. I’ve written about how we should love our future spouses now, and not wait until we are actually married. Well, I think I should probably put my money where my mouth is. So, I’ve decided to start a new series talking about what I am doing to try and prepare myself for marriage. This is kind of scary for me, because I’m not used to really talking about myself so much on this blog, and also because I will suddenly have a lot more accountability. No slacking off! Additionally, even for those of us who have the gift that Paul had for singleness…we are all still being prepared for (or should be preparing for) our future marriage to Christ (more on this in future posts). While some of us may not participate in an Earthly marriage, we the body of Christ are destined for a future marriage, and preparation needed for that eternal marriage is very similar to the preparation needed for a temporary marriage. I’ve decided to title this series “Mission Marriage Mondays” because I will be detailing my “mission” to become “prepared” for the... read more
I Promised Myself I Would Never Get Married

I Promised Myself I Would Never Get Married

When I was little, I vowed never to get married. Love was all mushy-gushy, and unmanly. I couldn’t get married and look like a softy! After all, girls made no sense, weren’t good at sports, and of all the colors in the rainbow, they had to like pink. Pink! No, I would never get married. – I was told by adults “That’s what they all say” and that, “You’ll want to when you’re older.” I scoffed at these remarks. These people had no idea how dead-set I was against getting married. Yet at the same time, a sliver of fear would creep into my mind. What kind of trauma could possibly make me want to get married as I increased in age? I would not let this happen. I promised my 5 or 6-year-old-self that I would not get married, no matter how much I may want to in the future. Image was everything, and I was too tough to ever desire the mushy-gushy. – I grew up. While my thoughts and feelings toward marriage and females slowly evolved and changed over time, the end result was the same. I didn’t want to get married. The idea of being tied down to a family was very unappealing. I liked the idea of being alone and on my own my whole life, and it was much more appealing than having to deal with the responsibilities of marriage. It was a very selfish mindset. – I had also become quite accustomed to being different. Love was so cliché. I didn’t want to fall in love and be married like everyone else.... read more
Your Soul Mate Doesn’t Exist

Your Soul Mate Doesn’t Exist

I have bad news for you: your soul-mate doesn’t exist. – There isn’t one person “out there” ideally suited to perfectly fit or complete you in every way. None. However, there are likely several different people whom you would be compatible with in marriage. –  This truth is made more obvious when you contemplate the horrible mess we would have if simply ONE person married the wrong “one”.  That would mean each of these two people’s real “ones” will end up marrying the wrong “ones” as well. Therefore, one person marrying the wrong “one” will lead to a devastating domino effect of broken dreams and spoiled potential. – So either we are doomed to marry the wrong “one,” or else there are multiple people out there who could be potential marriage partners.   – Isn’t this the most romantic thing you’ve ever heard?  – Somehow our culture has adopted this soulmate fantasy as truth. We might as well believe that echos are the result of a punished mountain nymph, since both stories have the same origin: Greek Mythology. – The Ancient Greeks theorized that humans were actually once androgynous, and were one being comprised of both male and female features. However, because of humanity’s pride, and in an effort to double the number of humans who would give tribute to the gods, Zeus split the humans in half. Each human would forever long for his/her literal other half; the other half of his/her soul–their soulmate.  – Still believe in soulmates?  – Another problem with the idea that there is someone out there who will perfectly fit your needs and make you happy, is... read more
Submission: The Biblical Call For Wives To Make Sandwiches for Their Husbands

Submission: The Biblical Call For Wives To Make Sandwiches for Their Husbands

Submission. – It’s a very dirty word within some Christian circles. I know many Christians who will try to explain away or ignore the many passages throughout the Bible which instruct wives to submit to their husbands. Allow me to point to some of these passages: – 1 Corinthians 11:9 states, “Neither was man created for woman, but woman for man.” Other examples of scripture supporting wives submitting to husbands can be found in Genesis with the relationship between Adam and Eve, as well as in Colossians 3. – 1 Peter 3:1-7 agrees with Paul that wives should submit to their husbands, and Sarah even called Abraham, “lord.” – Paul teaches us in Ephesians 5:22-24, “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.” – The Bible is clearly comparing our submission to Christ as how wives should submit to husbands. Are we not to submit to Christ in all things? Yes! Therefore, the wife should submit to her husband in all things as well. – That’s right. Wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Everything! That means if a husband tells his wife to make him a sandwich, she’d better do it, and it had better be good! What do you think the SUB in SUBmission stands for, anyway? Clearly, it is a reminder to women that they should make sandwiches... read more