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3 Reasons Why I Don’t Go Ballroom Dancing

3 Reasons Why I Don’t Go Ballroom Dancing

A question I have been asked on multiple occasions by parents thinking of homeschooling their children is what I did for prom. Apparently, prom is supposed to be a big deal or something? Technically, I was partially enrolled in the local public school for my high school years, so I could have gone to the high school prom there if I wanted to I guess, but I never had a desire to go.   As I understand it, asking someone to prom is different than asking them on a date, but that makes no sense to me. You’re dressing up, I believe the guy typically picks the girl up, and then you dance holding each other in very close proximity. I remember my Sophomore year, just before the prom, my English teacher told us the principal was instructing all of the teachers “chaperoning” the dance that no “grinding” would be tolerated at this year’s prom. Being the humorous teacher that he was, he dutifully told us that, “Grinding is for coffee; not dancing,” and then promptly took a big sip from his coffee mug. He went on for a couple more minutes mock praising himself on the brilliant way he had tied prom to coffee (he as a coffee addict). Prom is very date-like, only, without the expectation that you’ll be a “thing” afterward, but I could be wrong since I’ve never actually gone to prom. Because of my public school background, I have come to understand prom as being tied to the dating culture, and it’s usually a night where more than few immoral activities take place. And... read more

No Hugging; Now What?

Last year, I did a series of blog posts giving my reasons for not hugging girls outside my family. Well, if you don’t hug, what do you do instead? I don’t like criticizing or pointing out a problem without also trying to provide a solution. Just what would be a suitable alternative to hugging the opposite gender? What would be better? Of course, there is the good old-fashioned handshake, but from talking to other girls and women, it seems some see that as a masculine gesture, and aren’t comfortable with it. I find this understandable since the handshake originated in Medieval Europe between men to demonstrate that they had no weapons and meant no harm. Not the most feminine of things.So if we aren’t going to be hugging or shaking hands…what are we going to do? How will we be able to greet each other? How will we be able to let the other person know we don’t hate them? Are we doomed? Stophandshaking.com, which apparently wants to be rid of the handshake for hygienic reasons, offers some solutions to this quagmire of a quandary.The Fist Bump: Apparently more hygienic, but also seems rather masculine, especially considering it arose from sports culture. I don’t know, but I don’t think I want be greeting girls and women with my fist. The Namaste: “It recognizes the belief that the life force, the divinity, the Self or the god in me is the same in all. Acknowledging this oneness with the meeting of the palms, we honor the god in the person we meet.” – Hinduism.about.com Originating in India, the Namaste is where... read more
Have You Kissing Skillz?

Have You Kissing Skillz?

I have recently been informed that what women are looking for in a potential husband is experience, especially in the realm of romance. I used to think that my future wife would appreciate my saving myself only for her, but I now realize that is ridiculous. Skill level is key, and you have to get a lot of experience (also known as “XP” in the gaming world) to “level up.” –  Additionally, if you don’t date a lot of people, it’s impossible to know who the right person for you is. Sure, someone might seem perfect at the time, but keep looking, just in case you find someone better. You can’t know what to look for in a future spouse if you don’t date around and gain some experience about what’s out there. –  These truths seem so obvious to me now that I can’t believe I used to believe otherwise. Since experience in romance is so important, I’ve realized I’m going to have to make some major changes  to the way I’ve been living since I am way behind. Here is what I plan to do, and why. Mario knows well the sweet joy of leveling up.     1. Date As Many As I Can   I’m going to try to date as many different people as I can. This way, I can gain experience into what kind of person would be the best person for me, and I can also learn how to correctly treat lots of different kinds of women so I’ll be well prepared if/when I eventually get married. Plus, when I’m married, it... read more

Why I Don’t Comment On The Appearance of Girls: Part 4: It’s Not Good For Me

In part 1 of this series, I stated that I had been challenged by a sister in Christ to compliment girls on their physical attractiveness in order to build up their self-esteem. I then introduced the notion that such compliments are actually not a good idea. In part 2, I explained how telling a girl she is attractive actually harms her. A compliment on her physical attractiveness would be adding to our cultural delusion that physical attractiveness is what makes one valuable. If a girl is suffering from low self-esteem, the solution is not to tell her she is pretty. This will only do more harm in the long-run. Part3 explained the how the risk of emotional entanglement increases when a guy compliments a girl on her physical appearance in order to build-up her self-esteem. Developing a habit of making compliments about physical appearance to the opposite gender is not a great idea if you want to maintain your “brother/sister” relationship with a good friend. In this final installment, I will attempt to explain why I am also convinced that complimenting a girl on her physical attractiveness would negatively impact the development of my own character. It’s not the outside that matters (again): Man looks at the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart. It’s a person’s character that is most important—who a person is. If I really believe it is the inside that matters, then why would I want to condition myself to intentionally notice and draw my attention to the outward appearance of a girl? You can’t help but notice someone’s appearance. You can’t help but... read more

Why I Don’t Comment On The Appearance Of Girls: Part 3 – Emotional Entanglement

Check out parts one and two of this series if you haven’t already. Potential for emotional entanglement: I have been told that “girls have a strong desire to be loved, and that complimenting them on their appearance (saying they’re pretty) gives them the feeling of being loved.” As I understand it, by “loved,” what is really meant in this case is cherished or desired, which is not the same as the agape love of Christ. Is it appropriate for me to be making a girl feel desired and/or cherished by me? I personally don’t think it is. Why? Girls are much more emotional, and by telling a girl you think she is pretty (as a guy), that plays with emotions, and could cause her to develop feelings. I’m not saying if a guy tells a girl he thinks she’s pretty one time she’s going to fall for him, I’m just saying it creates an emotional response, which is taking an unnecessary risk. If your goal is to maintain a brother/sister relationship, then I think it’s wise to refrain from making such compliments. If a guy is romantically interested in a girl, I still say it’s unwise because then such compliments fall more into the category of emotional manipulation. So there is really no good reason to tell a girl she is pretty, unless she’s already in your family and there is no risk. For example, I tell my sisters they are beautiful, and they definitely are! Some may claim this is why one should only compliment those in which “there is no doubt where the relationship is,” however, I... read more

Why I Don’t Comment On The Appearance Of Girls: Part 1 – Introduction

I recently came out and explained why I don’t hug girls in a few of posts, on a similar note, I’ll explain why I don’t comment on the appearance of girls. Some may see these policies as cold or uncaring, but on the contrary, I have these policies out of respect and what I hope is love. I’m not saying people are wrong if they act differently than me on these particular matters…just that I personally would not do what they do, and here is why.   Clarification: By saying, “I don’t comment on the appearance of girls,” I mean I don’t say if I think a girl is attractive or unattractive, certainly not to her face, and not to others if I don’t have to. In fact, I try not to even think to myself whether I think a girl is  attractive or not. Anyway, getting to the point of this article, I try not to comment on the appearance of girls. This policy of mine was recently challenged by a very well-intentioned sister in the faith. I think she made some very good points, and she inspired me to give a more in–depth defense for this particular policy of mine. I have been told, and personally observed, that girls want to be pretty. When a girl changes her profile picture on facebook, her other female friends are right on top of it, telling her how beautiful she is. Of course, being told you are pretty by members of your own gender only goes so far. Girls want guys to find them pretty. If girls do not think... read more
Why I Don’t Hug Girls: Part 3

Why I Don’t Hug Girls: Part 3

If you haven’t yet, I suggest you read my other two parts in this series. Why I Don’t Hug Girls: Part 1 and Part 2 Continuing on where Part 2 left off… Additional thought-provoking comments I received included these: Very interesting post. Just a few things came to mind, though… The people of the early church greeted one another with a “Holy Kiss.” What are your thoughts on that? Also, I hug plenty of guys without awkwardness… And what about hugging the opposite sex within your own family? If that’s okay, then how far-related does someone have to be before you’re not, to use the word, “allowed” to hug them? Okay…if we really are supposed to be greeting each other with a holy kiss…then why aren’t we? For some cultures this is entirely appropriate, even today… even within certain locales within the United States. Those people would say many of the same things about their “peck on the cheek”–or even lips–greetings that others say about hugging. Should I actually be going up and kissing girls now? I don’t think anyone would say that. But why don’t we go around kissing each other if the Bible tells us to do so? Because a kiss today, is not the same thing as a kiss back then. They don’t mean the same thing. The reason I don’t have a problem with hugging within my own family is that families are supposed to be close. You do have access to the members within your own family, so it’s not disrespectful to touch. You don’t have the same intimacy with those outside your family,... read more
Why I Don’t Hug Girls: Part 2

Why I Don’t Hug Girls: Part 2

I received some very good reader comments and questions directed at my previous post, Why I Don’t Hug Girls. By way of a two-part response, I will attempt to bring additional clarity to my previously stated views. –  First of all, based on the feedback I have received, I need to bring attention to one of my primary motivations for addressing this topic. Although I thought the title of the post made it clear, I need to re-emphasize that what I am saying is an effort to communicate my reasons for why I do not hug girls, outside my family. – Now, this is partly motivated by self interest and partly because I would like to convince everyone to give additional consideration to the matter. However, I also have another motive which I did not adequately express previously. This motive is my interest in helping those of an opposing view understand that they need not take offense if they encounter someone like me who refrains from offering an embrace as a means of communicating friendship. – If you travel in circles where hugging is the normal way to greet a friend or acquaintance and meet someone who avoids hugging you, do not automatically assume that the person is trying to be unfriendly or is rejecting you. Refraining from physically embracing friends does not mean a person is cold, indifferent, or uncaring. On the contrary, it may be due to that person’s respect, deference, care, and admiration for you that they do not presume to force themselves upon you. Hopefully, everyone, regardless of their practice concerning this matter, can receive this as... read more
Why I Don’t Hug Girls: Part 1

Why I Don’t Hug Girls: Part 1

I don’t hug girls outside my own family, and some find this policy of mine strange and unfeeling. People may go even further and say that I’m over reacting or being legalistic. I personally would argue that it is actually more caring for a guy not to hug a girl than to hug her, and there is nothing over-reactionary or legalistic about it. I’ll explain why. Disrespectful With the rise of Feminism, the way women are treated by men has greatly deteriorated. Women were once placed on a pedestal—to be protected and sacrificed for. Feminists like to lament those dark days of male oppression, when women were placed at the feet of men, unable to do anything but agonize at home like Emily Dickinson. This is a myth. In the not so distant past, women were actually given more importance than they are today, at least in the extreme instances. The call used to be for women and children first. If a building is burning down, you save the women and children first. It was understood that men would sacrifice themselves for women and children. In the days of the Great Depression, you had the phenomenon of the wandering hobos, who would travel the country looking for work in exchange for a meal. Hobos were penniless, and at the bottom of society, and yet, they were gentlemen, and they respected others, especially women. Women could feel safe around them, even without their husbands present. Certainly there were exceptions, and they didn’t have everything right back then, but they were right on this aspect. What do hobos have to do with why I... read more